My daughter. The eldest. My first born. She's a "little mommy". She was born a nurturer. Give her an animal to coo over, and she's happy. Her very first pet was a Roley Poley. She was 2. We had to put it in a basket and watch it roll up and down.
She's collected bugs and worms. She's kissed smelly dogs straight on the mouth and still cries over her 'kitty' who had to live elsewhere (crazy- cat couldn't keep his CLAWS off my sweet babies- My daughter was very willing to allow her younger sisters and herself get clawed if just for the chance to keep her 'Kitty'.)
And my daughter. My first born (of 3)- the little mommy. The one I adore. The one I cry for because I think that 6 years has gone by way too fast, (and I want some of that time back... Booh Hooo!). My daughter has been fervently praying......for quite some time now...... for...... 'another baby'. Specifically- she wants a brother. Sometimes- she wants a brother and another sister. Mostly. She just wants another baby.
And tonight. I'm a little nervous. I always get slightly nervous toward the middle of the month (around the 20th) because I would really rather remain a "Mom of 3". I'm getting 'those' symptoms, though. The weird ones that typically cause a $10 deduction from our checking account. And- for the past 2 + years- I've been thankful to fork over my ten dollars and read a 'negative'. So. SO. Thankful!!!
But my daughter- my sweet dark eyed baby girl- she's been praying!!! And when she prays... GOD hears her heart. He has (time and time and TIME again) made it clear. He hears her. He answers her. And he USUALLY says "Yes!"
My daughter. My Jesus loving little girl. She has THE true FAITH of a little child. There's no question in her mind. If she prays- she knows God will hear her. And He will answer her. And she is most content in knowing that He will provide her with her every need.
As a matter of fact- during a conversation about her desire to have a 'nother baby' I made it clear "Sweet girl- we're not having any more babies. I'm sorry." And my daughter. My intelligent, beautiful child. She casually passed her hand through the air, "Well. I've been praying for it. So.... you know...." (As if to push the subject aside. As if to say "It doesn't matter what you say, Mommy.)
And what I'm praying for. What I hope more than anything for this time in our life- for this season. I pray that God tells my first-born. "I heard your prayer. Thank you for your request. But! My answer is NO."
And now- I'm going to sleep. And I'm going to rest. And in the morning- you know- I'm gonna pretend like my brain was NOT playing tricks on me- and that I was NOT experiencing any strange symptoms. And I'm going to drink my highly caffienated coffee- and wait a few more days before I let myself totally freak out.
And dont' worry. There will be no need to ask. Once I realize I was just being sker'd, I'll post about how LAME I am for being paranoid about something that we have been SUPER DUPER extra carefult to prevent.
And if I happen to NOT post again- it's because I've found a deserted island to abandon myself on til Jesus comes back lest I totally lose my mind in ridiculous insanity.
8 months ago