Thursday, May 27, 2010

At The Dump

Today- I learned some super important "things" about the person I am..... and guess what?!?!

 I am awesome!

Super awesome.

God hooked me up with some really cool gifts.  I didn't ask for them- I never EVER would have asked for them.  As a matter of fact.  I totally- most of my life- have actually cried out "WHY ME!?!?!" because I thought my gifts were- in fact- curses.  (Melodramatic?  No!  I hate that word.)

Before today, I thought that who I was, was messed up.  Whatever.  There were some good things about me- but all in all, around in a whole, I felt messed up.

Most of my life, and this is no exaggeration,  I assumed that there was something totally really wrong with me.  I've always been hyper-sensitive, and easily overwhelmed.  My Daddy put it nicely when he would say "Well, Amber?  You're a little high-strung, like your Grandma."  (A little?  No- no- no- no?  A LOT!)

Blah blah blah- I'm not gonna get into all the details, but what I do want to say is this:

God made me.  I'm perfect- because He made me.  I've heard it over, and over again- "God doesn't make any mistakes."  And I knew this was true for everyone else- but I never believed it for me.  I knew that I was messed up, I mean- seriously- I lived with myself.  There was no hiding from myself.

 Ya ya ya.  I knew God loved me, and that He didn't purposely mess me up- but I genuinely assumed that He chose not to fix me.

Not gonna lie- I've harbored a lil' bit of frustration with Him in that. "Hey God- that blind dude?  You healed him.  Why won't You hook me up with a little-bit-of-healing? I'd rather be blind than to deal with THIS."

Here's the COOLEST part of all- He didn't need to fix me. I wasn't broken.  I just needed the wisdom and knowledge that He had to offer in order to comprehend why it seemed like I was messed up.  I got a taste, Mmmmm.... a sweet taste of that knowledge today.  I'm savoring it.  Yum.  It's so good!!!!

And........ I'm gonna leave the rest of this story in my drafts- cause I'm not ready to detail it.  I don't care to share it, don't get me wrong- but I feel the need to sit on it, and soak it up, and dwell in the Truth that I found today before I publicly put it all out there.

I've blogged about some personal stuffs.  I'm an open book (or web-page) so to speak.  This isn't so much a "personal" thing that I get to marinate in, more of a core realization..... psh..... whatever.

 It's something I get to really breath in, for as long as I want- and as long as I need.

I get to "breath" it in.  How beautiful is that?  I get to inhale the breath of God.  In my quiet place......

I titled this "At The Dump".  This cool chick told me today, "You just gotta take it- whatever it is, just take it to the dump.  Dump it at the Cross.  And walk away."

I think, blogging, is kind like, a pit stop for me, before I get to The Dump.

Thanks for riding with me.

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