Thursday, May 6, 2010

Body, Mind, and Internal Organs.

Puke is worse- I'll just say that upfront.  But the "other" thing that happens when your internal organs are all whacked out?  That's pretty bad, too.  REALLY miserable.  It could be worse, I could be puking.... I said that already..... but WHO clamped my stomach into all those knots?  And why won't it QUIT gurgling?!

I thought I had the stomach flu.  Nobody else is sick, and I know of NO stomach virus that last for SEVEN days.  It's NOT the stomach flu.  I'm thankful for this- for ONE reason- and ONE reason only.... my 3 girls are NOT going to get the stomach flu from me.  It won't run it's course through our house.

I went to Quick Care- (have I mentioned how much I HATE going to a doctor?)  They informed me, after I paid my $60 fee, that I should see my family doctor.  He would be able to help me after he did some blood work.  Ummmm?  Can I get a refund? (No.)

For 7 days my body has held onto ZERO fluid.  I doubt I've absorbed an inkling of nutritional content.  I've presumed life (as normal) taking care of my 3 amazing daughters and somewhat cleaning our house and preparing our meals.  Physically there's been no choice BUT to slack off in certain areas (tonight's dinner consisted of Apples.  Bananas. Crackers. And Cashews.)

This week, despite feeling like The Grim Reaper was hovering over me, I was able to keep plans that I had made Tuesday to visit with a friend in Atlanta.  To the Centinniel Olympic Park.  With all 3 girls. For the day. The drive up wasn't so bad, but walking around the park, keeping up with the girls (envision a Mama Hen chasing her 3 little chicks- working hard to keep them coraled into one general area), that was a little difficult.  It was fun for all of us, though- despite my readiness to pass out when 2:00 came.  I finally caved and told my friend I had to go..... (she drove in from Alabama).  She understood.  Hugs.  Love Ya.  Bye.

And thankfully, today, I sucked it up and met up with these awesome chicks for a Beth Moore bible study we've been having.  I felt better there than I had felt all week- it could've been the fellowship that distracted me from my misery, or it could be the fact that my illness is FINALLY subsiding....Nope... there goes the gurgling again.  Either way.  It was great.  I enjoy meeting up with those ladies.

The bummer with this is that, so far, I've had SEVERAL people inform me that my symptoms sound very similar to a gall bladder issue.  :( Big. Boo.

The other bummer- is that I'm toting around some hard-core bitterness this evening toward my husband.  He came home feeling "unwell" early yesterday evening.  And he rested.  For the night.  He then took TODAY off from work, and slept (until after 2:00 this afternoon) and rested some more... for the REST of the night.  I know that we women should be accustomed to having to brave through whatever illness we have, but frankly, I'm NOT.  I feel cheated.  Why can't I take the day off when I'm painfully (and I mean PAINFULLY) sick?!?

Over the weekend, Joshua DID clean up our house.  He did.  I got to rest in between upchucking and hair curling, and tear-wiping after my sister made her wedding vows.  And he earned some MAJOR points for cleaning up my barf.  It's not that I'm un thankful for him.  What makes me sad is that I've stayed sick.  Sick. Sick. Sick SICK sick.  And when Monday rolled around, I became the work-horse again.

So I'm sad because I feel invaluable.  And I'm sad because I'm sick.  And I'm tired.  And I'm the saddest because I've known for a long time that my body has been under WAY to much stress. And my husband knew about it, too.  And we discussed the TWO physicians that have warned me that "it's not possible to keep doing what I'm doing"- but nothing has been changed.  So- my MIND has also been distressed.  And apparently, my internal organs are paying for it.

I've never had a serious health issue before- but apparently the onset of a possible gall bladder attack is due to high stress (coupled with  eating high fat/greasy foods).

It's my bad for not taking it upon myself to get to the YMCA for Yoga classes, like I've been instructed to do on many occassions, by said physicisans, and counselors, and finally a psychiatrist.  It's my bad for assuming that everything would eventually get better, and I'd be ok.

There's not much else I could've done to make life less stressful though.  Honestly, and sadly, I've just been stuck- doing most of the hard part of LIFE alone.

There's my blow-out.  It's yet another reminder that I have to start figuring out where priorities lye.  Homeschooling was a conviction for both my husband AND myself... but I don't think it's possible to carry out the burden of a mutual conviction on my own.  Is it?

And living in our teeny house isn't anything I can change- but I also can't install the NECESSARY gates to ward off cereal stealing, baby powder dumping 2 year olds.  And I can't put up a fence.  Nor can I take care of several other "honey-do" items that only The Man can do.  I can be affected by them NOT being taken care of- but I can't take care of them alone.

That reality TOTALLY bites!  I can't do it alone..... but I don't have help.

I'm stuck.

I'm going to see a wellness doctor tomorrow.  Not a TRADITIONAL Medical Doctor- mind you- but one that deals with NATURAL medicine and all that awesomeness.

And I'm going to start going to Yoga.

And I'm praying that if my gall bladder is all whacked out- that I'll atleast lose 20 pounds in the process of getting it better.

There needs to be SOME positive outcome in all this dehydration ya know!

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