I am thankful that I get to stay home, and educate them. I am so very thankful that I've had the opportunity to watch them grow, and learn- right here in our home.
This morning- however- I'm questioning (for the 783rd time) my ability to 'get it right'.
Here's a little glimpse of this week's events:
Kyla- she's reverted back to the WHINE. 6 years later- we're still struggling with the on again off again of the whiney-wine-whine! In turn, I've noticed that any and all loving patience that I should be giving to her has fleed. That nurturing attention that she is in need of? Gone. I really need to get that back! For her sake; because she has started showing her sisters the SAME ungraceful, impatient attitude that I've shown her. (There is NOTHING like a mirror image to show us Mommy's what NOT to day, or how NOT to behave. In that respect, I am so very humbled that God chose to gift me with a visual aid to enable me to assess my behavior.)
With our first FULL year of home school, the whine, I suppose, should have been expected. She hasn't really been allowed the opportunity to focus and have an undisturbed session of school since we've started. I know I'm frustrated about this! I should expect the same from her.
And Leah! Where did her terrorizing screech come from??? She's been the sweet angel for almost 2 years, and SUDDENLY, I'm thrown into a totally new arena these last few weeks. Scream. Scream. Screech. Cry. Cling. Oh Lord please have mercy!!
Am I painting a picture yet? A 6 year old whine, along side a 2 year old screech.... All. Day. Long.
And THE DOG. THE DOG!!!!!!!!!!! Why was I stupid? Why did we get that dog?! I wanted a little yapper dog. One that was tiny enough skip around the house after the girls. One that did NOT shed. One that didn't eat pounds of food day in and day out, costing us way more than expected in dog food fees! I wanted a little dog, so that (IF) it had an 'accident', it would be a tiny puddle to clean up, rather than the LAKE that this big Pointer breed pees when HE has an accident alllll over our floor. I wanted a little dog that wouldn't need so much time to run and run and bounce around outside- because it's not like I actually needed one more chore to take on.
This dog. UGH! He barks. And barks. And it's loud. And unending... if we tie him outside in an effort to allow him some running time. All I here is "BARK. BARK. BARK. BARK!!!!" (he's on a 'runner' that my husband put up- specifically in an area, MIND YOU, that he will not get tangled up in. He's got room to roam, though on a leash!)
And- I don't know! I just feel like I'm going backward most of the time.
Leah empties out the cereal box in the midst of school time- I have to redirect her- and then get side tracked cleaning up the mess.
Kyla gets antsy, waiting on me, and starts.... you guessed it! Whining!
Back to school, and the dark starts YELPING outside. Sidetracked again to march my frustrated self out the door and hollar "HUSH!" (and Leah is copying me in this- and has started walking around our house yelling "HUSH! HUSH! GOGGIE! (doggie) HUSH!!!"
Zoe has been my relief- she is little Ms. Obedient.
In many efforts to clean our house- again- I get sidetracked. Leah and Zoe are playing downstairs when I hear a big "Whaaaaa NOOOOOOO!!!!" from Leah, followed by the gut-wrenching screech. Zoe has picked up a toy she wanted.
I get lost in the house work. Going to and from each chore- not accomplishing anything in full!
And on a good day- when I can somewhat get a grasp on school, and houswork- I find that the dog has run a muck in our yard, and taken the trash out of the bins, spreading it all over the front and side of our house.
You think I'm exaggerating, don't you? Complaining perhaps?
Nope. Just outlining a day in the life of Mommy.
So- of course!! I love my family. I love that I ge to live my life WITH my children- taking care of them, raising them myself- instead of simply providing for them and sending them to a day care or public school to be raised by somebody else.
It's just not that easy. It's not always rewarding during the day.
But- in the quiet of the night- I do ponder the gift I've been given. I think fondly of my children, and my husband, (no... not the dog!) I think of all the things I could or should be doing. (read previous post- which was written in the very quiet of the late-very late night hours) I praise God for my husbands helping hand, and the view he often gives to me from the 'outside' perspective. "She's only 6, Amber. It's understandable...... I know it gets tough- but Leah is just in that 'stage', she'll grow out of it soon- just like the other girls did."
What God has given to me- allowing a refreshing in my relationship with HIM, turning that refreshment into a new love for my husband, and a new understanding of how important it is to really focus on raising our children in a Truth-filled home- it's unexplainable. I'm forever thankful. I couldn't do this with out Jesus. I couldn't do it with out my husbands' support. I could NEVER do it alone.
That doesn't mean, though- that these days of chaos don't or won't exist. I just have to 'walk them out'.
(this is for me- again. another reminder to visit when I find myself getting in a rut)