I'm not just a Mommy. I'm a wife.
I'm a child of God. I'm a woman.
I'm an imperfect human being. I'm ever growing in each path of my life.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Over... and over...
This morning, I'm getting ripped apart from the inside out; I feel like I'm mourning from deep in the pit of my stomach. I want to throw up. I want to just vomit out all of the hurt, and confusion, and self pity, and distrust, and anger, and bitterness....... I want to puke it all out and be done with it.
As a matter of fact; I have this vision of doing just that. In my vision I have a pony tail, I'm on my knees rocking back and forth- crying out to the Lord, and suddenly I start violently throwing up.
Just got that vision. I was skinny in it, too. Oh, GOSH!!!. Is that a warning that I'm going to be like, bulimic?? (kidding)
I think I just had a vision of God removing all of my iniquities. And if I had a ponytail, then He's revealing to me that it's going to be a process. It scares me to think that I have to wait until my hair is long enough to wear a ponytail. Thank YOU LORD that my hair grows fast.
I don't know, really. God reveals different things in different ways- I don't know if it means I need to be like Sampson and not cut my hair while we're going through all of this? It could just be a vision of a person throwing up because that's what The Lord said He would do if we don't choose "Hot or Cold". Lukewarm isn't an option. If we're lukewarm He will spit us out of His mouth.
I feel like a total idiot for posting this- because it just seems super melodramatic. But? It is what it is.
I find myself reading back through my blogs (often) and I get ministered to. I believe that there are times that The Holy Spirit writes through me. I believe He allows me to write out revelations that He has given me- and knowing how forgetful I am, He has allowed me to put them in the form of a journal, so that I can go back- over and over and over again- and read the Truth that He revealed to me!
He has been divinely revealing Himself to me!!!!!!
I'm just realizing this.
Just. This. Very. Moment.
Who am I, Lord?
He knew I wasn't reading my Word. He knew I needed the Word. And He wrote the Word through me?? To me?