Tuesday, October 19, 2010

My marriage: In a (cracked up) nutshell.

Once upon a time- before we had kids (FINE! It was 10 years ago....) I bought a Beta fish.

I named him Beta.

It was the perfect pet for me at the time.  You only have to feed them every few days.... and, you can put a pretty little plant atop the fish bowl to oxygenate the water and make your kitchen counter look decorative.  Pet. Decor. Plant.  Win-Win-Win.

Every 2 or 3 days I'd put some food in Beta's bowl and watch him swim around like the shark he thought he was gobbling up all of his food- and then, I'd ignore him for a day or so.... feed him... talk 'fish' with him... and ignore him for a few days..... and that's how our relationship went.

Then one day- when I put the food in his bowl- Beta. Was. Not. THERE!!

My fish bowl was empty.

And like an IDIOT- I searched all over our kitchen counter and the floor and the sink....  thinking the stupid fish had 'jumped bowl'.  (How'd he jump through the plant!?!  Maybe he was trying to get a fly?)

When my husband came home from work, I was FREAKED out and said
"Beta disappeared! His bowl is empty....!!! OH. MY. GOSH! He's probably down in the vent... we're gonna have dead fish smell in our house now.... Do you think he went into the vent????"

Literally- his response was:

"OH? He died the other day.  I flushed him."

My mouth is gaped open.  I'm in shock.  Who was this person I married? What kind of man doesn't console his 19 year old bride after her one and only fish dies?  FISH FLUSHER!!!  I married a FISH FLuSHeR!!!!

"Ummmmm..... YOU didn't want to..... maybe...... TELL ME THAT MY PET FISH DIED!?!??!?!"

"Oh? I didn't tell you?  Hmmm.... sorry 'bout that....."

And so goes the next 10 years.  Important (to me) information doesn't typically reach me via Mr. Joshua Anderson.  Many (too many) times, I've had to figure it out myself (typically \feeling like I'm looking on the kitchen floor for a flopping fish).

I keep forgetting how casual the man I married is.  He's an 'out of sight, out of mind' kind of dude.

I'm a "teller"- a "detailed teller" to boot.
I call him when I'm making plans to go to the grocery store.
I call him while I'm at the grocery store to make sure there isn't anything he needs.
I call him on my way home from the grocery store..... just in case there's something he forgot to tell me that shoulda been on our list.
(And when I'm unpacking our groceries- he follows me into the kitchen and says stuff like:
"What? No ice cream?  Awwww....I was hoping you'd bring home some Ice Cream....." (insert pouty face).

It's maddening, I tell ya!

We have two completely different personalities.  God is HILARIOUS in His orchestration of whom should marry whom.  Sometimes- I think He saw Joshua and I and said:

"Oh Ya.  These are the one's I'm gonna use to prove that NOthing is possible (good) with out ME!"

And if that was His thought- He proved Himself (yet again) to be the MASTER artist.
'Cause it is an all out MIRACLE that my husband and I are still married despite our completely-different-from-each-other-way-OUT-there-opposites-attract-but-mostly-wanna-strangle-each-other personality differences.

No THING is possible (good) with out the Lord.


Especially marriage.

I was reminded of this fish story when a friend posted a blog about her sons' fish dying, and the fact that the eldest of the 2 was 'cool' with it when he realized that he got to flush his brother's fish down the camode. Out of sight.  Out of mind.  He was sad... and then... he moved on....

That's a man story.  Lessons learned in how the 'male brain' operates via  a 5 year old.

It's a shame I don't have a son.  I'd understand my husband REALLY well.
It's tough that we have 3 girls ...... this means my husband is WAY more confused about the female brain.


  1. HA!!!
    AND... PREACH ON SISTA'!!!!! Can I borrow a girl or two of yours for a day or so....and you can borrow one or BOTH of my boys! LOL.



  2. ok Amber.. you are so funny! This is great stuff!