Thursday, October 7, 2010

Early Intermission: Nostalgia be Whack.

 I'm not singing 
so there's no need in taking a 'break' to rest my vocal chords.  
I have been doing a LOT of thinking, however;  
and already, 2 blogs in, I'm in need of an intermission from my putting down my thoughts.

Nostalgic:          1. longing for things/persons/ or situations of the past
2. The condition of being homesick. 

Nostalgia brings a whole BUNCH of crud to the surface.  There's your freebie.  
Hold on tight to that tidbit of information before you take the plunge down "memory lane".  
You'll thank me later.  I promise.

I've just barely scraped the surface atop the well of memories that have been flooding my thought-life in these past few "musically nostalgic" themed blogs.

Honestly, what I've written so far doesn't even begin the surface breaking on what's to come.
 (If I can continue- did I mention this was way tougher than I thought'd it'd be)

I've been wondering:
What if the Lord has been planting these "memory" seeds in me, as an effort to help me reconcile some buried issues? 

I have to flip that coin over, and ask another question:
What if the enemy is planting these seeds so that I can focus on the past instead of the future?

For the past several weeks I have been a complete wreck.   I described it as a Nostalgic FOG at first; but it's thicker now, so more accurately, I should call it a Nostalgic Smog.  And it's under ALERT due to the high doses of pollution being emitted into my psyche.  It's a shame that I'm not even close to my period, so that I could at least blame some of the ridiculousness on my TOM.

Feeling the way I do about my past, alongside the handful of life issues I have going on now, and it seems like I may be closer to "shutting off" than I've ever been before.

Am I the only one that gets these kind of 'cave' and 'wilderness'  moments?  Dearly hoping for a dark place to hide out, where nobody can see me, and nobody knows me, and certainly where nobody will have any expectations of me?
(please pass the bottle of antidepressants- and grab me a beer while you're up.)

I am wondering if depression has snuck up on me?  Hoping for a dark place to hide out.....  eh... I don't know that I could define that as "healthy" thinking.

Then again- Jesus retreated into the wilderness for 40 days.....

I have these questions to ponder now:
Is it the Lord?   OR  Is it Satan?

On one hand- as I'm thinking out loud (typing as I think) The Lord would certainly want me to reconcile past issues that may be directly related to some of the 'shut-in' tendencies that I have.

On the other hand- wouldn't He want me to lay them all down at the cross and be done with it? Thus not actually having a reason to search out a cave to inhabit.

Both are true.  Which one is relevant for me right now?

I dunno.

I'll just continue until the memories go on strike, and stop interrupting my life.

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