I know it for sure.
I can't understand all of it.... er.. most of it.
He's using "sign language".
I have an ASL dictionary on my iPhone.
I'd have already interpreted if that was the case
It's as though I'm deaf- and can not quite comprehend His voice.
And He's putting specific "signs" around, as though He's saying,
"I'm speaking, Amber. Yes. To you, my sweet daughter.
Watch closely. I'm all around you.
I want you're attention. I'm seeking YOUR companionship.
Get still so you can hear Me better. You'll hear Me when you're still.
You'll hear how crisp, and clear, and perfect My Voice is...... when you're still."
I spent the majority of church Sunday crying humble tears. The preacher preached- I don't remember much of what He said... something or other like..... "blah blah blah- Amber this is the Lord. I'm using this dude to talk to you... to show you how Awesome I Am....."
The sermon was titled "Don't Give Up".
I choked on the lump that came into my throat when I heard him say that. My hiney scooted a lil toward the edge of my seat. "I'm listening, Lord".
The pastor talked about A Horse Race (rather, he spoke of the race horse ...)
My hands reached up to my eyelids to wipe away tears that were already escaping....
(Remember that dream I had, and the random word Trifecta that some how popped into my head that morning? IT'S a horse racing term!!!)
I searched myself, wondering .....who am I ??? ..... that the Maker of Heaven and Earth.... that our HOLY God.... The Great I Am.... that He would put out His hand, as if caressing my cheek- just to say to me:
"Dear Daughter- listen carefully....."
(In this moment- I wish I was an artist. I'd love to sketch out the image I have in my head. Do you have that image, too? A daughter- eyes closed, face streaked with tears and covered in an indescribable peace, resting her cheek softly in the caress of her Father's hand.....)
That was me Sunday. I couldn't get away from myself. I was sitting, alone- in a church I'd only gone to a handful of times... knowing only a handful of people....and I began to feel as if the entire building was going to zoom in on my tears and think that I was some 'poor lost sinner'.... crying in shame for all the terrible things I've done in my life.... or something ree-deculous like that. I came to my senses and thought:
"Well? I AM a poor lost sinner. So? Hmmm.... Can't worry bout that. And good grief, Amber- You just got a 'word' not to be fearful or concerned about other folks opinions of you......you're not going to be ashamed to bask in the presence of the Holy Spirit.....so just chill....."
And that's what I did. I basked. And I cried. And basked. And cried.
The Holy Spirit whispered "Listen..... listen....." And I cried, and I cried, and I cried. And I listened. And I waited. And I prayed, and... (secretly hoped I wasn't going to be asked to run around the church building- cause I was LISTENING.... and if that's what I had to do to hear what He was trying to tell me- buddy- I'da gone a runnin')
But I heard nothing more than "I'm speaking to you....."
That was it.....
And that was enough.
I knew He wasn't going to be done speaking to me... cause I sure wasn't done listening.
And I'm still listening. And I've witnessed more and more 'signs'. And I'm taking notes.
And I'm waiting.