Friday, November 19, 2010

"What Love Really Means"

Below is one of the most beautiful songs on the radio today.  JJ Heller has a simplistic sound- but oh so powerful lyrics.
She sings:

"Who will love me for me?   Not for what I have done, or what I will become.
Who will love me for me?  Cause nobody has shown me what love, what love really  means....."

I believe this is the heart cry that so many of us have buried deep inside our wreckless hearts.
"LOVE ME.......... for me."

I've talked so much about how challenging it is for "us" (people) to strip off our layers of protection- and stand before our peers "naked"- just as we are, flaws and imperfections shining bright.
JJ captures the core of why it is so hard (almost impossible) for us to do this.  It's a big question.
"Who will (could possibly!!!!!) love me..... for me."

I've known it for a while- and it was confirmed early this week- that I have a protective barrier built inside my heart.  Sure- I can be real, and open, and honest, and raw, and unfiltered..... that's not the barrier I'm talking about.  My barrier is, I think, probably worse.
I protect myself in an unconventional way.  I'll bare it all, no problem- but I "conditionally love" in return.

"If you're nice, I'll be nice.  If you hurt me, I'll hurt you back.  If you break my heart, I'll break yours.
I'll love you, but ONLY if you love me first....."

Big problem for a wife and a mom to have to, not only face- but figure out a way to over come.
Unconditional love shouldn't be an option!!!  I should love- no matter what- whether I like it or not, whether it hurts or not, whether I think it's deserved... or NOT!

This song convicts me!  I know that I'm "loved" for me..... um?.... for the most part.  I can accept WHO I am, and who God made me (sweetly, God  disclosed that I am- who HE made me, and I need to quit my belly aching about being so "different".)  So I've recently come to much better terms with who  I am.  
When I hear the chorus, I feel like poo.  Do I love 'them' for 'them'?
Do I love my husband when he's in the midst of a struggle that affects our relationship and the core of our marriage?  No.  I "hate" him for hurting me.  I am angry and bitter, and totally ready to kick him to the curb.

Seriously.  No bueno.
When he has hurt me, there has typically been a huge part of me that wanted to hurt him back.
Like- hurt his feelings on purpose, or ignore his needs (ahem....) or whatever.

Dude.  God is sooooo GOOD!  That 'hurt you back' thing has been washed away. Gone. Vanished.
No Siento retaliation.   Big deal.  Huge stuff.  Amazing.  I'm so thankful to get to write this truth and know that it's nothing to do with me, but totally to do with the work God has done in me.

I'm selfish.  I want MORE.  I don't want to just settle.  I want to have a Jesus-Christ-Super-Hero love for my husband, despite the junk that gets mixed into our holy matrimony.
(Let's be honest... most of us who are married have junk.... right?  Right?  RIGHT!?!??!!?)

Furthermore, I wanna love THEM... for THEM.  I want to have a genuine for real heart for people.  Not a "conditional" one.  It's easy to love the loveable.  I want to love the unloveable.

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