Sunday, August 30, 2009

Monkey Joes or Trader Joes

Warning: Read only if you DO NOT mind a little 'bathroom' humor. Seriously.

So- today I decided to go to Trader Joes. I was prepared. READY. I had a list. A plan! Joshua and I would enjoy our girls, get a few yummy organic/whole grocery items. Enjoy time together in the van during the 1 hour trip there..... and then snack on something scrumptious for the hour ride back. I had it alllll planned out.

But. Joshua wasn't feelin' up to it. Leah was tired..... eh... I'd just go with Kyla and Zoe. No big deal. It was still going to be fun.

Here's the thing about Trader Joes, though. It's in Roswell. That city confuses me, I ALWAYS GET LOST. Always! There are 2 Trader Joes in Roswell. I can never remember 'which is where'. BUT! I had directions. I read them. I KNEW where I was going THIS TIME (ha. ha. ha HAH! Um. No I didn't)

I'm driving down 400. I see a friend on the road. I call her. We start chatting. I miss my exit. No biggie. I'll turn around. (psh!) I got off the 'right' exit, drove and drove, didn't see Trader Joes. Turned around. Drove a LOT more... and ended up NOT in Roswell... but in Gwinett County (????) Turned around again. At this point- I had to pee. BAD! I mean, I had to pee so bad it really hurt.

Kyla kept announcing "We're driving in circles ya know. Does anybody else realize that we ARE DRIVING in a circle?!!" I yell at Kyla, "Be.Quiet! I'm trying to figure out where we're going".

Zoe asked what we were looking for. I explain "A store that has a T at the first part of it's name. Trader Joes."

We pass Monkey Joes. She says "Hey. There's a MONKEY Joes...."

I'm in so much pain. My bladder is feeling like it may rupture. But. I had no clue where to stop for a potty break. I was annoyed that I had now been lost for an entire hour. (Seriously, driving up and down the same stinkin' road!)

Finally I cave. I pull into a Quick Trip. A. They usually have clean bathrooms. B. Even if they didn't, I have mastered the art of the 'squat'. I have power-house thighs due to the many times I've had to squat over a bathroom toilet. No joke.

I all but yank both girls out of the car in an effort to NOT pee on myself. Yay me... there's a cop parked RIGHT next to us. I was praying I didn't look like a crazy person as I held both girls hands saying "Hurry up. We have to go quick!!!"

They sweetly hurry, and I go straight to 'the big' stall at QT. Thank YOU JESUS it's clean. Whooo. And I sit. Painfully. It reallly hurts. You know how sometimes you have to just pee soooo bad that it takes a minute for you to actually 'let loose'? No?

I'm sitting there, the girls are looking at me like "Ok. We'll just wait." And Zoe glances over at a sign on the stall door. She says. "Hey. There's a T." (in reference to the "T" we were looking for on Trader Joes) And then she perks up. And runs over to me (as I'm sitting. On the toilet. Peeing.) "MOMMY! I have a plan! We can go to MONKEY JOES instead of Trader JOES!!!! Isn't that a great idea??"

What a mind. Her spunky little 4 year old brain decided to make the best of our day. We couldn't find Trader Joes.... but we DID know where Monkey Joes was.


1 comment:

  1. You should have just settled for the Whole Foods in Gwinnette County. Or Natural Foods Warehouse. NFW is a LOT cheaper than Trader Joe's!