She said she wasn't worth anything. She said she didn't have a purpose. She was certain that she was unwanted. She had terrible mental disorders and a drug addiction. Her speech was fast and unclear. Her hands fidgeted and jerked. She told lie after lie to most people she knew. Everyone seemed afraid of her inconsistent personality. Some had said she had multiple personalities!
And then God put somebody in her life that spoke truth into this 20-something young girl. When the girl said, "I have no purpose." Her friend said "Yes. You do have a purpose. God has given us all a purpose."
When the girl said "Nobody wants me. I'm not worth the time. I'm messed up. I'm useless." Her friend said "God wants you. He loves you. You are more precious to Him than anything! You think you're messed up, but it's Satan that has taken the GOOD in you and turned it into bad. God made You just the way you are."
And this girl said to her friend after several encounters "Will you take me to church? I really want to go." And her friend, who hadn't been to church herself for quite some time obliged. It happened to be a Tuesday night, so they agreed to go the next day. No sense in waitin' around for Sunday.
And this girls' friend called me. She told me the girls story, and immedietly I felt a deep humility in the fact that I could have very well had this girls' same issues. I could struggle with the very afflictions that are on her. But God chose to rescue me from that life. For whatever reason- reasons I cannot fathom, He chose to keep His hand on me. I was broken. Broken!
We decided to ride together, to take this girl to a church we both knew very well and loved deeply. We knew the pastor was a life-speaker, not afraid on stepping on even the most fragile toes! I hadn't been in a while- I had gotten out of the routine for a few months.
I got to spend time with the girl a little on the way there, and on the way back- though I can't be certain what was truth and what was a lie. But I could tell that she was bound- she made no admission of drug abuse, but her body language and speech made that confession for her.
Once inside the building, my finger tips became ice cold. I felt the Holy Spirit wash over me, and the service hadn't even started. I was in His presence fully once I began to worship, I was overcome with a sense of awe all over again. I was humbled and confused.... "God! You love me!! Why?! God!! You chose me. You rescued me out of the pit- YOU put person after person in my life to ensure that I would not slip away! You thought THAT much of me?!?!"
Once the pastor began to speak, I began taking fervent notes- something I rarely do! God was speaking to me. He had given me something to say in His perfect time, and I can't even explain how scared I am to follow through. I feel like Moses... going before Pharoah. Was it not Moses that said "God. Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh?" And I am asking God the same question. Who. Am. I?
One page of those notes were for my friend. I wasn't sure exactly why I needed to give her those notes (she was sitting there beside me... she heard everything I did), but I did it anyway. The title of the page said "(her name) The Prophet." God had given me an incredible Word for my friend, and for myself. "The Time is Now! What I had put in place years ago, what I had put in your spirit, and in your heart. What you already knew.... The Time is Now. I have a plan! You're a part of it. The time is now!"
The next day my friend said that she was struggling. She couldn't pay attention at church the night before- she felt tense, and her mind was out of focus. The enitre next day she felt depressed... unwanted, unloved.... and then she opened her Bible and read the notes that God had told me to give to her- and she felt relieved and calm afterward- We determined that Satan had sent out the task-force to attack my friend- because that message was so perfect for her. It was exactly what she needed to hear! God had something to say to her- and He made SURE she heard it, despite Satan's attempts to shut her ears up. Amazing- He loves HER that much, too!!!!
But still I wonder... who am I? Why ask me to give her the notes? I chicken-scratched random things all over the front and back of that page... I can't even remember what it said aside from the title.
And then I think about the big picture. God used that girl, the girl that thought she was worth nothing, and had no purpose, and her afflictions, and He put a desire in her heart to go to church, which IN TURN put ME and my friend in that building, to hear that specific message from that specific pastor on that specific day. My friend and I wouldn't have gone to church that night had she not requested to go! We would have made several excuses about why we just wanted to stay home. I mean- after all- So You Think You Can Dance was on!! It was family night.
But- you know... being the 'Good Christians' we are, we felt it was our 'duty' to take this poor lost soul to church- we prayed for her, and we both hoped she would find deliverance.
How arrogant and unaware we were! We thought God was using US to allow that girl to hear the Word of God... instead... God used HER to allow us to hear a Word from Him!
You think you've got no purpose? You think you are beyond God's intention to see HIS plans seen through?!?! Think again! (I'm talking to myself here!)
God will take a murderer and an adulter (King David), a thief (the man beside Jesus on the cross), a stuttering Hebrew (Moses), a Christian-Hater (Paul), a prostitute, a drug addict..... and He'll use them to bring Him Glory, and to teach others exactly who He is. Why would He not use me? Or you?