High-Low Up-Down Happy-Sad

It's been a long, hard weekend.  

An emotionally strained several months.  

And one of the worst, most formidable, and trying years of my life. 

And it's been a fun weekend filled with family and friends, and muddy pants legs, squishy chubby cheeks to smooch, happy squeals from happy kids, and pumpkin pie.  

And it's been a glorious several months filled with fun-time with my amazing girls,  school field trips, and one on one time with my speed-growing toddler.

And it's been a beautifully composed year basking in new and old and amazing friendships, experiencing a spiritual growth spurt like no other, and a new outlook on who I am, and who I'm meant to be, and how important the gifts God gave me really are- despite having no idea as to what I'm going to do with them.

I've fallen apart over and over; fearful that I'd stay like Humpty Dumpty and none of the King's horses and none of the King's men could put me back together again.  

And I've grown and grown;  feeling  like Alice in Wonderland, who went from a miniature version of herself to a giant towering over those things that once looked mountainous and terrifying.

I've wandered through valley's so dark and so low; uncertain of where my help was in the time of my trouble;  and soon after I've landed atop the peak of the mountain, overlooking the glory and majesty of God's awesomeness....... 

There are always GREAT things to be found in the midst of the awfullest situations. 

Always.  

My prayer and my hope and my plea is that I will keep my mind and my heart toward the Lord so that I can stay in full view of His goodness, despite adversity.  Afflictions that, in truth, are less than tragic, but more than difficult.

In realizing how conditional the terms are to which I am willing to give love and show love;  I've also realized that God hasn't been excluded from this "condition".  (Cringe!)  

When life is grand, my hands are lifted high, my feet are dancing for joy, and I'm shouting praise and hallelujah to the Lord.  

And when it all turns to hell and the world is against me, my hands raise in question, my feet are stomping in tantrum, and I'm shouting "Why Me!?!?"

Conditional Love for Unconditional Love

"I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today....?"

 

Give me what I want, right now- and I'll give you what you want later.

I want to stay in check; among the highs and lows, and the ups and downs, and the happy's and the sad's.  I want to see the good inside the bad forever and always.  

And I want to remove the conditional from my love; giving myself freely and completely.