Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Zoe's Funny Story

Our 6 year old came home from school yesterday and announced in an emphaticly-matter-of-fact-like manner: 

"I got diarrhea today!!!  It's pretty bad.  Wanna smell my stinky fart?!"  (sigh)

For the remainder of the evening, she proceeded to announce each and every time that she tooted

 "HahhhhHA.  It smells SO BAD!"

And then.... it wasn't a fart....  and she looked at her daddy with eyes that said "Ooooops."
She ran upstairs to the bathroom to take care of business.  Her older sister asked "What happened, Daddy?  What'd she do?"   I felt the need to interrupt before he answered, "Hey.  Don't tell her.  It might embarrass Zoe.  I don't want her to get made fun of....".

My husband cut his eyes at me and said "I really don't think she'll be embarrassed by it."
"Well, just in case......" and before I could finish my sentence, Zoe hollered downstairs, in her loudest announcement-voice:  

"KYLA!!!!!!!!    I thought it was a fart!!   But it WAS-ENT!!!!   I got some of it in my UNDER WEAR!!!!!  It's So. So. SO. SO. gross!.......    Wanna come and SEE!?!?" 

Zoe is home today, avoiding the potentially "embarrassing" opportunity to have an accident at school.  She's been in the bathroom at least 12 times in the course of just a few hours, but she's totally maintained her happy-spunky-bounce.    As I was writing this, she came over to me, read over my shoulder (which is one of my biggest pet-peeves) and said "You're writing a story about me?!  Can I read it?? 

She read it (ahem... over my shoulder) and I got the rare opportunity to type out our conversation as we were having it.  (I'm a super-duper fast typer- which impressed Zoe big-time!)
(These are Zoe's words, after she read what I wrote above..... Below is the exact dialog of our conversation.  I am typing this as her and I talk....and she is reading it as I type it.  This is so fun!)

(Zoe) "I DIDN'T DO THAT!!!!!!   Please don't read it.  And don't send it to anyone else."

(Mommy)   You didn't do that yesterday?   Are you sure?   I was pretty sure I heard you."
(Zoe)  STinker!  
(Mommy)   Awwww.  Just go ahead and admit that it really did happen.
(Zoe)  I didn't say that stuff, Mommy.
(Mommy)  Hmmmm.... are you just kidding?  
(Zoe)  NO.  I'm not kidding.
(Mommy)  Okay.  SO tell me what really happened.

(Zoe)  Ok, fine... I came home and I said "Mommy.  I have diarrhea."  
And well, a few minutes later, I farted.   And then I said "You wanna smell my fart.  It smells yucky."
And then I had to go poopy.   And then I was in the living room with daddy, watching Liberty's Kids, and then I thought it was a fart, and I pooped in my panties. Done."   

(Mommy)  Is it okay if I put this on my blog page for people to read?
(Zoe)  No, I don't want you to, because I'm going to be embarrassed.
(Mommy)  Bummer.  It's a pretty funny story.  Lots of people were gonna get to smile and laugh at how cute and adorable you are.
(Zoe) (in a sad and glum voice)  Okay... I guess you can.
(Mommy)  I won't if you really don't want me to.  This can just be a story for you, and me, and Daddy and Kyla and Leah.
(Zoe)  YOU CAN... if you want. Go ahead and send it.  (she said with a very happy voice) {and she also told me to type in 'she said with a very happy voice'}  
So, now Zoe is going to tell the story, in her own words, about how she passed HER diarrhea to ME!

{serious.  i DARE ya'll to do a dialog word for word of a conversation you have with your kids.  I'm dying here!!}

"Mama was going to the potty.  And then she said 'ZOE! You passed on your diarrhea to me.  I'm gonna spank you when I'm done.'  She didn't spank me. She was just playing with me. The End."

End Dialog.
I'm cracking up at the lack of detail that Zoe uses when she recalls her stories.  She's been "making fun" of me all day, regarding how "she gave me her stinky, smelly diarrhea."  I'm pretty sure it was the highlight of her afternoon.  

We had to make a Kroger run, and I explained to her that she could NOT have hot-chocolate from Starbucks, because she had a stomach bug.  She explained to me that I could not have coffee from Starbucks since I have HER diarrhea, now.   The banter continues a bit, and we make a stop beside the Starbucks counter inside Kroger so I could check my phone for a potato soup recipe that I was considering.  

Zoe announced, in a NOT quiet voice "NO MOMMY!!!!!!!   You can't have COFFEE!!!   YOU. HAVE. DIARRHEA!"

......and that was our day today.  
A whole bunch-of-Crap-talk.  

I love my Zoe-Girl.  There is NEVER a dull moment, and a continuous flow of chuckles thanks to her spot-on wit.  Believe it or not, she really does not quite grasp the fact that people aren't laughing at her.  She doesn't realize how funny she is; It just comes naturally.  So, mostly, she assumes that people are making-fun-of her.    SO, if you ever see her doing something hilarious, and you laugh, and then she crosser her arms and makes a whiney sound and a pouty face.... now you know why.

1 comment:

  1. HAHAHAHAAAAA!!! She's gonna loooove this when she gets older :D