Sweetness in the Mire

Tuesday morning, my husband drove our 5 and 7 year old to school; and by some miracle, our 3 year old decided to take an extra long snooze break as she slept in past her normal 7 AM rise and shine.  Incredibly, by 8:45 sweet girl was still snoring when I went upstairs to check on her.

Our girls share a room, and just beside Leah's bed- Zoe's twin bottom bunk bed seemed to be calling my name.  It's soft sheet, fluffy down pillow, and cozy down comforter were lying there looking more comfortable than anything I'd ever seen.  I decided that since Leah was sure to wake up at any moment, I'd just take a quick little nap in Zoe's bed.  This way- when Leah woke up, she'd see my snoozing right beside her, and wake me up.

And  certainly- she woke up to see me snoozing; but she woke me up in the most unconventional and absolute sweetest way!!
My eyes cracked open to see the cutest curly-headed 3 year old girl sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at her mommy, making a 'kiss-kiss' sound with her lips.  When I looked at her, she said with an excited grin,  "Mommy!!!  I woked you up by doing THIS (kiss-kiss-kiss) sound!!!  Heee heeeee heeee!"

I must have been more tired than I realized, because somehow- despite the cuteness- I closed my eyes again and fell back to sleep.  The next time I opened my eyes, Leah was sitting on the bed with me, half beside me, half on top of me, and she was attempting to shove a chocolate chip cookie in my mouth.  I look up to her expectant face as she said "Mommy!!!  I broughted you a cookie to eat!  It's really yummy!"

When it's all grim and gray and dreary,  and the "life-is-hard-reaper" is towering over my shoulder beating me down, the easiest thing to do is crawl into bed, cover my head up, and ignore it all.  Easy or not- I've never had the option to do that.  My 3 girls "force" me to keep the momentum up.  Having to take care of their needs trumps any desire I have to give up.  For that, I am ever thankful.

At this point, I'm gonna be honest, and bare "the life is crazy tough" right now stuff.   Breaking it down with out too many details- I'll give a quick example: 

Finances are kah-put.  Being in the construction/repair industry- ya- in this economy,  'nuff said.  

Mis-managing our week-to-week paycheck is an attribution, as well.  There are times we really should not eat out, or joy-ride around town..... but we do it anyway. Unwise.

We've created a budget, and the budget would work- if we'd just suck it up and stick to it.  Budget (the lack of) aside, another spin out in our bank account happens when there isn't any work for Joshua to do- staying home, sans pay, is especially painful on our pocket book.

With Thanksgiving being hosted at our house this year, an extra large chunk of dough moves itself down our belly's, inside the same week that Joshua is only able to work for 2 days.  Ouch! Ouch!  OUCH!

Monday night this week my van (our only family vehicle) randomly quits working just down the road from our house on my way to the grocery store.  Plans that I had to attend a bible study that night, take our 3 year old to her sweet little class the next day, and volunteer in my 7 year olds classroom that morning are all immediately canceled.  

It's almost December, which means we should be prepping to pay our Property Taxes, and making plans to buy Christmas gifts.

Our family life, specifically our marriage, has been in a "growing" process- trying to overcome certain issues and junky stuffs. 

The power company gives us a call to "remind" us of our "nonpayment" and just before that phone call, our Zoe walks upstairs only to come flying back down squealing "It's raining in our house!!"

By all personal standards; I should be an incredible wreck.  I'm typically a high strung, high stress personality type; I can get overwhelmed in a snap if the conditions are ripe. 

There again- taking care of my 3 girls as a stay at home mommy for the past 7 years, I've grown so much in learning how to handle stressful situations.  Any mom can attest to this after experiencing numerous grocery store meltdowns, park-play-date tantrums, the rush of dinner time, bath time, and bedtime chaos, and the squeals and whines, and tattle-tales of sibling rivalry.

Inside the mire, I am witness to absolute sweetness.

Our marriage issues are on hold as Joshua and I lock arms to stand beside one another and fight the battle of stress and uncertainty.  Not gone.  But- on the back burner. 

We have both experienced the trials of extreme financial woes, each during our childhood and adolecent years, and during the first several years of our 10 year old marriage.  It's tough, but an easy fight to win.  God has shown us over and over and OVER how faithful He is in providing for our needs.  I'm excited (crazy excited) to be in this situation right now; because I know I'll get to witness the miracles that God has in store for us.   And- whoa!- in our experience, His miracles are incredible.  Far beyond anything that we could ever accomplish.  It's amazing.

And inside the mire, perspective is gained: "What's really important? What matters?"

I honestly believe that God orchestrated these trials.  He wants to teach us something, lead us in a new direction, and 'force' a change in all of us (for the better!) if we let Him.

I'm open to it and I'm ready for it.

"Here I am, Lord.  Change me!!!!"

Spider Squisher

Who cares- if it's with in eye sight- I squish whatever bug I can.

I'm not that girly- but bugs- eeeeeK.  I don't like 'em.

My 4 year old has named any, and all black ants "Esa" (eee-suh).  The little red fire ants?  They are "Esa's babies."  Last year (age 3) she decided (through trial and bug-bitten error) that "Esa's babies are MEAN!".

My 2 year old is a copy-cat.  If she hears it, she says it, and claims it as her own.  She now calls black ants "Esa".

Today, in our foyer, "Esa" was crawling around.  She was watching him/her and said "It's Esa.  It's Esa.  See it?  See it, Mommy?"  And- with out thinking, I squished Esa.  (Yay me for winning Crappy Mom of the Year award.)  Thankfully- Leah is cool.  Had it been Zoe, it would have been a SCANDAL for me to have (innocently) squished Esa.  Leah?  She just walked away, started walking up the stairs, turned back to me, and said "Esa?  He's on your shoe?"  (I lower my head slightly- ashamed) "Yes.  Esa is on my shoe."

Her response?  "Okay."

Phew!  I need to me more careful with my squishing.

Houston? We have...... LAUGHTER!

Zoe. The girl that brings most of the hilarious laughter that takes place in our home. Her name means "Life" or "The Life of God". And everyone that knows her proclaims, "She lives up to her name." And that, she does. Kyla, however, adds her fair share of comic-relief to our household, and Leah is no exception. Each girl can bring joy and rib-aching giggles in their own, unique way. And I love it!!

8/18/09
Tonight, the girls' were playing "Hide and Seek" with their Daddy. Finally- it is his turn to hide, and he picked the 'best spot'. They couldn't find him! I had to help.... and when we discovered that he was hiding behind the couch (which is against a wall) the girls squealed/screamed with excitement.

Zoe announced, her tone was rushed and quick "OK! It's my turn to hide. Daddy. You have to find me.", .... as she was squeezing in the crevice behind our couch! Her Daddy said "Zoe. You can't hide there. I'll know where to find you."

And she looked at him so seriously, and said "Hey. Well. Close your eyes, then!"

........................................................................

After a trip to Mayfield Dairy, Kyla explained to her Daddy: (it must be noted that her expression was as so--- eyebrows raised. finger in the air. head nodding---.) "Mayfield Milk is in the yellow container. It's the best. It has vitamin D. Did you know that?!?!"

........................................................................

In an effort to make our Digiorno quick dinner somewhat nutritionally sound, I walked down to our garden in hopes of finding a few ripe tomatoes and green peppers. To my (and Zoe's) dismay, there were only green tomatoes. I decided a green tomato on a pizza was better than none- so picked 2 and a green pepper and went back to the kitchen.

Zoe was disappointed and announced it by making the "BLEGHK!!!" sound. I told her that it was still really good, and that it was just a little sour. She tasted it and said "Ya. It's really good! Taste it Kyla. IT's so good. It taste like Yummy.... Yummy.... um? Well! It taste like YUMMY GOODNESS!!!"

............................................................................

Breeding Grounds

It's a little before 7:00 AM.  My husband comes into our room to tell me goodbye- he's off to work- he loves me- smooches- see ya later.  I'm groggy, staying asleep sounds like a much better option than putting my feet on our cold wood floor.  I convince myself to get out of bed, and as I find my vertical balance, I hear chitter chatter from the girls' room.

This winter- all 3 girls are set up to sleep in one bedroom.  Our house, not having central heat, stays cozy enough with our fireplace, but it's easier to keep the upstairs super toasty if we can close off one of the bedrooms.  Leah is standing up in her bed, and Kyla and Zoe are sitting on the top bunk watching Daddy's truck leave.

"Oh man." I think to myself. "It's too early."  And to the girls I say "Ok.  It's still dark, you all need  to go back to sleep."

 Leah is happy.  She says, with her paci still in her mouth "Sippy.  Sippy, please.  On.  The.   Tay-pull."  Yep.  She wants a drink of water- and she's telling me her sippy is on the table..... downstairs.

Sweet!  Easy enough. The guess work has been eliminated and Leah is communicating what she wants with out frustration.  Love it!

I get her sippy.  I get Zoe and Kyla each a drink of water.  All is well.  It should be a quiet morning.

Should be.

And then- I go to the bathroom.   Our girls have yet to learn the art of flushing. I flush for them- (how many times did they potty last night??)- and meet up with an Over-Flowed-Toilet.   Good thing for me, I'm still slightly drugged from last night's Sleepy Time Tea.  I just shake my head- plunge the toilet, and plunge.... and plunge.... and PLUNGE (is this thing EVER going to quit over flowing???).  Got it.    Mess is slightly cleaned up (bleach to come later in the day).

Downstairs I go. Coffee. Mmmmm.  I pour a cup, and  check on the fire before I sit down to a cozy quiet.

"Ugh!" I just stepped onto a 3ft x 2ft  pile of wood chips, dirt, ashes, and bark.  This is a typical mess when bringing in fire wood, building a fire, and/or adding wood to the fire.  Everything to do with our fire place leads to a big 'O mess!  Typical mess as it is..... it's supposed to be swept up by whomever made the mess.   The mess maker of the morning was running late.  He didn't get to it.   It's mine.

I sweep and sweep and sweep..... and sweep. (are these wood chips just multiplying???).  And, finally- the dust pan is maxed out, and I'm done.    While I'm at it- you know- NOT being cozy- I go into the coldest place in our house to retrieve the model number for our broken dryer.  Brrrrr!!!!!  It's like walking outside!!  I get the number, text it to my husband, and move toward the recliner.  I've got the heating pad all warmed up too.

Cold coffee.  Eh?  I'm used to it.  No problem.  I sit down- begin this blog, and what do I hear???  A Screaming Leah.  And a Shushing Kyla. (apparently Leah requires her quiet time in the morning to actually be quiet- and being disturbed does not sit well with her.  This! I understand.)  

So- here I am.  Yep.  This morning is a breeding ground for a super chaotic day.  It's all prepped.  Overflowed Toilet.  Wood chips in my feet.  Screaming 2 year old.  Disobedient 6 year old.  Groggy mommy.  All with in 30 minutes of putting my feet on the floor.

But, guess what??  This is really not an unusual morning.  Sure.  Our toilet doesn't over flow every day- but first thing- every morning, it's mostly crazy.  Before I even fully wake up, I've got 10 things pulling at me.  Kyla. Zoe. Leah. Kitchen. Breakfast. Fireplace. Diaper. Dog. Coffee.  (Ok, maybe it's just 9.)

My life- my 3 girls, home school, unbalanced, unscheduled,  overwhelmed life-  is, in and of itself, a breeding ground for chaos.  

Do they make birth control for that?

Hello Insanity, Why'd You Stop By Today?

From Start to (almost finish) this day has brought me a PILE of chaos mixed in with a few cups insanity;

It began at 7:00 AM when my alarm clock started singing to me.  Singing- that's right.

WWEV Victory 91.5 FM. (listen online- tune in all the time.  it's the best station in the WORLD)

The point of setting the alarm to that station is actually NOT to wake me up-

it's to start soothing my mind before I crawl out of the bed, er,

to be more accurate, before SOME cute little 2 year old crawls into bed with me.

(frozen toes and all)

I need that peace to start working it's way into my mind- after only 5 hours of sleep, this particular morning made me even more gratefully thankful that God blessed me with this awesome radio station.

Go Horsey. Go.

Leah sits on a wipes container- and says "Go Horsie.  Go!"  

She repeats this phrase atleast 243 times- totally content with her horsey being the empty lavender colored Huggies box that has been floatin all around our house.  

That box has been used as a step stool.  A box to put our blocks in, and our clothes pins, and other misc. favorites that need to be 'saved'.    And of course... now..  a horsey.

Jitters.

I know- it's bad.... but I'm starting to get a little 'antsy' with this whole "Facebook Detox". What's going on out there, in the world, with all my friends and family???

I want to click the Facebook Icon so badly!

Did I mention I was doing the cleanse for... 7 days!?!?!?!

Ya.

I know.

It's pitiful.

But like I noted in my previous blog- it's been my only source for socialization for so long- and not (atleast!!) reading adult conversation is pretty difficult for me.

I want to participate in the 'grown up' world. (I almost put 'adult world' but feared an out of context reading....)

My source this afternoon for 'outside world' contact; Kinder Music with Leah. I got to dance and sing to various 'baby songs', while holding my toddler, swinging my toddler, and making goofy faces at her. Ha! She's such a shy little girl. When 'the teacher' says "Hello, Leah." she turns her head to the side and sort of looks at him out of the corner of her eyes- blinking rapidly. Almost as if she's saying "I hear you, I acknowledge that you're there... but WILL YOU PLEASE quit talking to me!!!"

Leah refuses to hold hands- with anyone- during the 'sing song dancing' session that we do- each and every Monday afternoon, she's 'in' the class- but not 'of' the class. She refuses to say hello to the other 'toddlers' and most of the time, she refuses to even play with ME! She loves the musical instruments. She loves 'watching' people do 'their thing', but actually participation has yet to really completely come out.

It would seem she's not enjoying it.... and that our time is being wasted, based on how she 'acts in the class. But, once we get home- she sings the songs we had sung and she does the motions we had done. I think it's well worth our time and money to go to this class. It has a positive effect on our entire family- even the (older) girls. At 4 and 6, they enjoy the songs as well, and thing it's fun to sing them with Leah. (I enjoy their interaction!!!)

As a side note- (to the side note about Leah as opposed to the original posting)- during class today, we were singing a song called "Hot Cross Buns" The motion is to 'blow' air into our hand after each "Hot Cross Buns".... so it goes like this:

Hot Cross Buns (blow) Hot Cross Buns (blow) One 'a penny, two 'a penny...... Hot Cross Buns (blow)

Leah? She doesn't blow into her hand. She looks at me like I'm CooKoo when I do it. Today- however, after the 3rd "Hot Cross Buns", in perfect timing to when we were suppose to 'blow', she leaned over and FARTED!!!

A loud, LOUD (as she would call it) "Faht''. She looked up and GRINNED after her (personalized) BLOW. Everyone, of course, laughed and laughed. I couldn't contain it- and I think I lost a few breaths from laughing so hard (trying not to cackle). Little Miss "Shy'' wasn't so shy anymore!!

Later on, during the class, she did it again- with a different song. This was a song that said (as we shook little maraca like eggs) "Shake. Shake. Shake your eggs. Shake shake, shake your eggs. Shake. Shake. Shake your eggs, and now LET's STOP!" Leah bent over and 'fahted' during the 'STOP'. (when it's suppose to be realllly quiet).

More inward laughter- more BIG GRINNING from Leah. Cutie pie. She's so sweet! (although, as I type this last bit of the blog- I have pink ear plugs in my ears to save my ears from the painful SCREAMING that she is serenading me with. Screaming cause she's 'mad' that she has to 'play' downstairs with her sisters. Not sad. Not hurt. Not suffering in anyway. She's. Just. MAD!)

So- back to the jitters, back to my original purpose of posting this blog.. I think blogging is going to be a good cure. It's more productive anyway. I"m glad I got to note Leah's Kinder Music class today. I'm glad I admitted that I have pink ear plugs to save my sanity during the loud screaming sessions she's been prone to (lately- not always). It'll be nice to go back and read it later- sort of as a reminder that I "CAN SURVIVE" these days of "Aghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

So. Aghhhhh!!!!! I'm off to grab up my little "Fahter" and cuddle with her before bed time. I'm sure I'll post again SOON!

The Social Networking Cleanse

I've decided that Facebook consumes too much of my time. It's an easy trap for stay at home mom's, because it can be a source, if you will, to the outside world. Adult conversation. Grown-up-ness. In one respect- it's a tool that has allowed me to continue with some sort of socialization during these years I'm in- raising small children, at home.......

In another respect- it can trap you into a sort of... I don't know? What is it? Hard to explain.

Basically- I was spending my 'free' time "Facebooking". I'm doing a cleanse. A detox. Whatever you wanna call it. I'm trying to figure out a way to better spend my time.

It needs to be productive. I'm blogging during my 'Facebook Detox' in an effort to still feel like I'm talking to somebody- even though it's just myself- which in and of itself could be a pretty bad thing- 'talking to myself'... but- WAIT! I'm blogging. That means it's for other people to read. OR! It's like a journal for me to refer to. Ok. I feel better. I'm not TOTALLY and ONLY talking to myself.

Anyway. Right now- it's 3:00. (almost) I spent most of the afternoon outside. With my girls. I built a HUGE fire in the fire pit, and tried to do some yard clean up. I killed an ant pile. The girls soaked in some Vitamin D while they made a 'stew' of dirt, water, leaves, sticks, and ???? I don't think I want to know what else.

It's sitting outside- as I type- waiting on Kyla to go back out and finish 'making' it.

OH!! I almost forgot this! I put a rug out on the grass (in the DIRECT sunlight- sooo warm!) and we sat out there with a book (Mrs. Pigglewiggle) It's a 'chapter' book of Kyla's. And every other day or so- I read them a chapter. It's fun, actually- because it's a great book!!!! We sat, on the rug- with dried apricots and Cape Cod Parmesan and Garlic Chips (weirdo combination, I know!!!) I read- and turned the little girl (Mary's) name into ZOE's name. It was school time- quality time- play time- outside time.

I'm learning how to be a mom. I'm learning how to NOT depend on Facebook for my daily doses of 'grown up' time. I'm sure I can figure it out (eventually)

I think, after I get through this whole process- I'm going to try to learn how to sew. You know. In my spare time.

P.S. It is now 3:09 PM and from whatever time this blog says I posted it, til now- that' show LONG it took me to type out these few paragraphs. Mommy's World is Cah-Razy!!

I just took an orange slice out of Leah's hand- and she made 'orange juice' on the floor for me when she squeezed onto it for DEAR LIFE because she wanted to 'keep it'. Not eat it. Just. Keep it.

Leah Words: Zo-Oye. Goggie. Fall Dowwwn. O-kaaay

This morning, during breakfast- Zoe was talking to Leah, um?, telling Leah what to do, rather.

"Leah. Don't do that. Leah. LEAH! Leah. Leah eat your waffles. Leah. Stop playing with your food."

And Leah turned to her sister, calmly, matter-of-fact like and said "Shut UP Zo-oye"

I can't tell you where she heard this. It may have been from me. "Shut UP Schneider!!!" (when he's barking his crack head off!) Most of the time, though, she walks around saying "Hush Goggie. HUSH!!!"

How I wish she had said "Hush Zo-Oye" But I'm not gonna lie- I couldn't contain the giggles that erupted. Which caused giggles from Kyla. Cackles from Zoe. And from Leah?

"Shut. Up. Shut. Up. Shut. Up. Heee heee heee heee. Shut. Up. Zo-Oye." as she giggled and cackled and raised her eyebrows in the most adorable way.

She's got to be the sweetest baby. Kyla was sweet, Zoe was sweet, and now.... sweetness #3. But, where Kyla and Zoe were sweet and strong willed.... Leah is sweet and compliant! Double bonus!

"Leah, let's go to bed." and she makes her way to the stairs saying "Okaaaay."

"Leah, put that down." and drops the forbidden item saying "Okaaaay."

"Leah, spit that out." and she says "Okaaay" and drops the 'yucky' into our hand

She uses her words. "Food? Eat?" and when we prepare her food, she says "FOOOD!!! Eeeeee! Eaaat!!!!!!!"

She tells us what she's doing. "Mess! Huuuhhh? MESSSSS!" (after she's dumped out a box of cereal)

She knows where things that she's 'hidden' are located. "Leah, go get your shoes." and she toddles off "Okaaaay!" and comes back with her shoes in her hand. Sometimes, she toddles to her bedroom, while others, she toddles to the playroom and opens a toy box and picks out one shoe... and moves over to the foyer and finds it's match.

I have to remind myself, during the painful process of teething (painful for her... painfully exhausting for me) that Leah is STILL the sweet, compliant baby girl that we've known and loved for the past 1 year..... 11 months.... 15 days..... 6 hours and 9 minutes.

She's still adorable when she backs herself up to sit in my lap with a book in her hand so that I'll read to her.

She's still going to grab our heart when she looks up at Joshua while he's leaning against the counter in the kitchen, and then backs up right beside him to 'lean' against the counter as well- looking up at her Daddy and showing all 16 of her teeth with her huge grin!

It will always be sweet to see her raise her eyebrows, eyes wide open sucking in an excited breath of air with if she's been given a 'gift' (a coloring book and crayons, a book, a toy....) or when she's discovered something NEW. "Ohhhh. WOW!!!!!!"

And just now... right this second, she ran into the living from (from the kitchen) and handed me a lollipop. Looking at me expectantly saying over and over, "Eh. Wan. Pop Pop? Pop Pop? Pop. Pop?" She just stared at me. Patiently. Waiting on the "Pop. Pop."

And oh how precious that she has always called a drink "NGung" and we STILL can't figure out the difference between what "NGung" is and what "Bong" is. It has SOMETHING to do with what she's drinking, but we're just not sure when it's a "bong" or when it's "Ngung"

Yes. She's typical in the "Destructo Baby" age that she's at. Our house has not EVER been as messy as it has been in the past 6 months.

And that's ok..... SOMETIMES! It's ok for this post.

The Prayers of a Little Child

Zoe. Oh Zoe.

Today- I was plagued with a monstrous headache. I mean- it was long lasting- exhausting- painful- just plain ol' BAD headache!

At the YMCA is where it initially started. The girls' are doing "Homeschool P.E." and I was trying to get in some work out time. Nope. I couldn't do it. It was a sweet (So Sweet) blessing to get to LAY DOWN outside the pool area there, in the bright sunshine, and take a short nap- in an effort to get the pain to at least dwindle down to bearable.

I put in my ear buds- had nice queue of quiet worship playing, and felt rested when I went back inside to get the girls out of their "class". And God allowed my headache to sufficiently dwindle down so that I could, in fact, bear the pain.

I made an attempt at a caffeine remedy via Starbucks on the way home, but it didn't actually help at all. All 3 of my amazingly awesome girls took a nap once we got home.... and after about 30 minutes of their napping, I caved and decided to go up to my bed for another rest. (P.S. I also took tylenol- no help)

JUST as I was making my way up the stairs, I saw the curly curls of a certain 4 year old at the top of our 1970's green paisley carpeted stairwell. "HEY MOMMY!!!! Can i come downstairs now??!!!"

"Oh.... hey Zoe-Zoe....... Hmmm??. You know what!?!? Will you come lay down in my bed with me for juuuust a few minutes? Mommy's head hurts really bad- so I should take a little rest." (Mommy and Daddy's bed is typically OFF limits. Joshua has made it a rule- no kids in the bed- so it's a very rare instance that either of us would invite them to lay down with us)

"OH SURE, Mommy!!! I'll come lay down with you" (I wish you all could hear the spunk and joy in our Zoe's voice.)

I layed down on 'Daddy's' side of the bed, and she did a hoppity plop onto my side of the bed. She lays down.... for about 3 seconds. And hops right back up- and looks over at me with huge, inquisitive sparkly blue eyes.

"Mommy? Your head hurts really bad?"

"Ya, Zoe. It hurts really bad. I just need to lay down and be very quiet for a little tiny bit"

"Okay.... Don't give your headache to ME Mommy! Ok?!?" (genuine joy poured out with those words)

A few seconds later:

"Does your head still hurt?"

"Yeah. It does."

"Awwwww. Ok Mommy (insert VERY excited voice) I'll PRAY FOR YOU!!!! 'Dear Jesus please help mommy's head not hurt-amen'. Does it still hurt, Mommy?" (and she lays her sweet hand on my head)

At this point, I'm faced with somewhat of a dilema. My head DOES still hurt. In fact, it hurts terribly! BUT- I've just been prayed for by the enormous faith of a little child! I know that my head will quit hurting soon- so my answer was this:

"Yeah, Zoe. My head hurts right now- but you just prayed for it to NOT hurt, so I'm going to lay here very patiently, and very quietly and wait for it to quit hurting. It will quit hurting. I just have to be patient."

In a loud whisper, she says "Ok Mommy...... We'll be patient!"

I offered her a sincere Thank You for praying for me. And she layed her little hand on my head again and gave me a "you're welcome" in return.

She continued to hop and plop and bounce and talk while I layed there. Patiently. As quiet as I could be. As still as one could get with a lively 4 year old laying beside them.

I asked Zoe to sing me a song about Jesus while we waited. (No. I'm not that "super spiritual"- I was selfishly trying to get her to stop asking me questions and to stop bouncing so I could rest)

And so she asked!....... "Is the ABC song about Jesus?" (no? not really) "Is Twinkle Little Star about Jesus? (um? kind of.) "OH! I KNOW! JESUS LOVES ME! Is that about Jesus?" (yes. it is... and I couldn't help it- I started giggling. She is so innocent. So genuine.)

"OK. GOOD! I'll sing THAT song."

But she didn't sing the traditional "Jesus Loves Me This I Know...."

She sang "Jesus Loves Me. He loves me. He loves you. Jesus loves me. He's so strong. He's so goooooood."

(not at all to the tune of the traditional song, either. it was to the tune of "Zoe's voice"- the sweet happy joyful playful jubilant tune of Zoe)

While she was singing, I was praying "God. Please let me remember everything she's singing- so I can write it down. Please don't let me forget. Please let me remember this time I get with Zoe"

After her song- she jumped on and off the bed in search of books to 'read' to me. I dozed a little. And she bounced back on the bed- put her little hand on my head (again) and said "HEY! Your headache is gone. I just felt it. It's gone."

She waited. Patiently. For my headache to be gone. And she was just as, if not more, excited as I was when it had no longer held me down.

And here's what I got out of that time with Zoe.

A) God will heal us. We just have to wait. Patiently. Quietly. We have to wait. We may not be 'healed' in the way WE thought we'd be healed. But we will ,indeed- be healed.

B) As frustrating and seriously painful as that headache was- as certain as I am that Satan had an agenda for that headache- GOD turned it into a beautiful, priceless time spent with Zoe- I'll endure many more headaches and more and more pain if need be to gain that quality time with all of my girls. I don't want to HAVE TO endure the pain- but I will.

There's no way to explain how important it is for me to stop and be still long enough to savor the years of my daughters' youth.

Kyla- The Lord layed out some awesome conviction today where my incredible 6 year old is concerned. I'll have to fill in the blanks at a later time- but as a reminder to myself- it has to do with an evening out with a friend to listen to Christine Cain teach tonight at Free Chapel. To her daughter she spoke "You are beautiful and intellegent. You are the head, and not the tail. You are a leader and not a follower. You are above and not beneath........" That's my conviction. To speak life into my daughters'! Why haven't I been doing that all along!!?!

Leah- She is a cuddle-bug through and through- and she's been missing out on cuddles and lovin' time with her Mommy. Her behavior reflects that she, too, is missing out on quality time that she needs and deserves. Why oh why have I been BLIND to the needs and desires of my girls'? Or was it not that I was blind, but very, very selfish with my time? Probably the latter. I am so selfish where time management is concerned, especially!

And Zoe.... I'm so thankful that today was a Zoe day. Zoe. The Life of God. The prayers of a little child- certainly heard, and beautifully delivered. Thank you Jesus!

Convenient Store Goodies

Tonight, on my way home, I stopped by the local Chevron for a fill up. I had to prepay because I was using cash; and while I was waiting in line, I noticed a man and his 3 boys. The man was maybe mid 30's? His sons were around 5, 7, and 10? Just a guess. And these boys were quiet, and well mannered as they scoured the aisles in search of the treat that their Daddy had apparently promised them. The Dad was just hanging out, casually looking around like he didn't have anywhere to be at 9:30 pm on a Thursday night. He was waiting patiently, lovingly, tenderly; he was allowing his children to take their time. And when they had each picked out their prize, he calmly paid $9 for their treats, and walked them out to his older model van.

It reminded me of the times I spent with my Dad on the weekends. My dad was like this man. My dad's thermostat was always set on 'chill'. He could have cared less that my sister and I spent so long trying to figure out what treat we wanted. Would it be candy? A coke? Oh! Chips!?!?! It took us forever.... because we never got treats when we were with our mom. Our mom woudn't even let us out of the car to so much as look at all the treats inside the store. I have to admit I resented her for it. She wasn't patient like my Daddy. She wasn't tender like the man at the store tonight. Grace wasn't really a word she understood, giving wasn't really an act she was accustom to.

The most heart breaking part of this journal is that I realized tonight, inside that gas station, that I suck at being a mom! I have not yet learned the err of my mother's ways, because I was being just like her! If I needed to pay for gas, it was absolutely out of the question to bring all 3 girls inside that store with me just so I could hand the cashier a $20 bill and grab my receipt. And I most certainly did not have the time, and oh! not even the least bit of energy to wait around while a 3 and a 5 year old spend minute after minute making a decision about a junk food choice that would cost way more than our budget to afford. No.... uh-uh... this Mommy has places to be, children to feed, laundry to wash, dishes to clean, floors to sweep..... oh (SIGH). I understand now why my mom handled us in such a harsh manner. I get it now. But I didn't get it then! And back then is when it mattered the most to me.



I know I'm busy, and sure!, I know that 'one day when they are older and have kids of their own' my girls will understand why I was so tense, and impatient, and unwilling to let them pick out a treat from the gas station, or even the grocery store. But NOW is when it matters to them. Now is when they need me to be so sweet, and tender, and loving, and patient. Now is when they need to think that they are special enough to walk into a convenient store and pick out an insanely over priced item as their prize. Not because they were good enough or obedient, but because it just happened to be a Friday afternoon, and I happened to need gas, and they happened to be in the car with me when I filled up.

Because that's what I really wanted my mom to do... and she didn't take the time to show me how much she loved me, whether it was a special treat, or a bit of quality 'mommy daughter' time, or even a snuggle beside her while we watched a movie. There wasn't a whole lot of love being shown, though I understand that she did truly love me. I want my girls to know, with out any part of their minds doubting it, that I adore them, and cherish them! And I would gladly give up a measly 10 minutes of my stressed out, overwhelmed life to make them feel important, even if it's something as simple as a walk down the candy aisle at Chevron.

My 3 Personal Trainers

We were having a typical chaotic morning;

*Breakfast.... always messy and time consuming.
*Home School.... "pay attention" is a phrase Kyla hears 20 times a session
*Leah's morning routine, which is nutty for me in itself
*Getting all of us dressed, "Zoe! I see your hiney... all pink and shiney...... put your clothes on!!!"

We were late getting out the door. Surprise. Surprise. It would be 12:30 before we actually get to the gym! Childwatch closes at 1:00, so this means I only get 30 minutes to work out. Typically, we would have just skipped it. BUT! I am determined to keep my routine this week, so off we went!

I decided that after my 30 minutes on the 'floor', I'd take the girls into the gymnasium (which is like HUGE) and we'd throw around some basketballs, play a little soccer, and just goof off. There was a chance that Leah would not be happy running around a massive floor plan chasing a ball; but I didn't count on it.

First, we started off 'learning' how to dribble. Kyla didn't believe me when I told her to dribble with her finger tips instead of the palm of her hand until I showed her that I could "dribble with just one finger". She thought that was COOL! So we tossed the ball back and forth and got a little comfortable with catching it and bouncing it. I impressed her when I actually got the ball into the net (ahem... after about 3 or 4 failed attempts). And Zoe just rolled around on her basketball and the floor in her happy little Zoe world.

Leah had the soccer ball, and her fun consisted of throwing the ball and following it as it rolled away from her, and then picking it up, throwing it again, and following it as it rolled away. It was like 18 month old heaven! Nobody bothered her. It was just Leah, a ball, and a gazillion square feet of toddling room.

After Kyla's basketball "session", it was Zoe's turn and she just totally didn't get it. However, she thought it was awesome that we were tossing and bouncing the ball together, so we called it basketball anyway. Kyla traded her basketball for the soccer ball, and Leah was happy to share! Her facial expression said "Oh! A new kind of ball. Whoo-Hoo, thanks!!"

Kyla and I played soccer around the gym (THIS is where the Cardio came in.... ). One wall was her net, and the other wall was my net. She is a natural athlete, and will be an amazing soccer player! She held her own, and did a great job keeping the ball in her space, and STEALING it from me! Kyla ended up sticking with soccer, Zoe kept her basketball, and Leah... throw, follow, pick up... repeat! So I went back and forth between Kyla and Zoe's "ball game" for a pretty long time.

I enjoyed playing basketball again, even if a 5 year old and a 3 year old were my "competitors". I never played for a team, but recreationally have always enjoyed it! (But I'm no good!). Kyla chased me around the gym trying to steal the basketball away as I dribbled around her and the court. She couldn't get the ball away from me, so she thought she'd be slick and toss the soccer ball into my b-ball, and knock it out of my dribble. It worked and she was like "Ha! Ha!!!".

After a few attempts at volleyball (a net was set up on the other side of the gym), we decided to move onto something new. SO! We went to the aerobics room and layed out a few mats. Together (while Leah tried to find something to get in to) we did a few abdominal excercises, and Kyla and Zoe did a few pushups (pilates style off of one of the big balls) and we stretched, and practiced balance on the Bosu. When we were finishing up Kyla said, "Ok! Now it's time for Yoga, Mommy. Yoga is soooo easy, and it's really fun!!!". I'm not sure why she is interested in Yoga, because she's never participated in it, but she loves the idea of it.

Our day was awesome! I had a blast playing with my girls, and got in an amazing cardio session! Now, that's what I call multi-tasking!!! We are absolutely doing it again this week!

Step One, Step Two

Joshua and I have been working a lot with Leah; we try to encourage her to stand alone, and in the last few days, she has been getting more gutsy. She'll stay up for a few seconds and then sit herself down. Today!!!!! Today, she stood for, eh, I don't know, maybe 20 seconds (awesome!!). She was just kinda looking around. And I sort of coaxed her to try to move toward me. Typically, she'd have just flung herself forward, but TODAY she moved one little leg forward and then fell. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's not all. I'm all about pushing the limits, so I grabbed her paci (I know, terrible) and sort of used it as bait. After a few tries, she took a COMPLETE step. One foot forward, second foot forward, and then she flung herself at me. I could cry. I COULD JUST CRY!!! I know it's not, by most standards, a very huge deal, but I have been inwardly scared to death that there was something wrong with her. oh, I've been praying and praying and praying and Joshua has been Mr. Optimist and said that she just had no desire to stand or walk. I mean? Why would she need to, or want to? I guess she's ready to get in on the action a little with a little more mobility. Good news. Ahhhhh.

So, I'm beyond psyched. Had to share the 'proud mommy' news

it's those little things

I saw this thing on this show about keeping a Journal of Thanks. And the author suggest that a person keep a journal, and through out the day, they MUST find 5 things with in that particular day to be thankful for. For example, you can't say "I'm thankful I have a house, a job, blah blah blah". It's about being thankful and pointing out the positive aspects of each day.

And, so... here I am. I have to log on to this blogger thing daily and name my 5 thanks for the day, but I added an extra bonus to this task, and I also have to name 5 reasons I am thankful for my husband each day. Here we go:

My day:
Leah helped me take the laundry out of the dryer and put it in the laundry basked. It was sweet, and adorable. She would pick up a sock, look at me, and then put it in the laundry basket, look back at me, and find something else to pick up. Once all the clothes were in the basket, she started pulling them OUT of the basket. Just one little piece at a time. I'm so thankful for the time I had to sit back and enjoy my 15 month old baby girl.

* On our white end table, to the left, there is a small black and white photo of Kyla at age 3 and Zoe age 1 framed in a square, cherry finished 8x8 frame, aside the frame, slightly centered on the table is a few long pieces of fresh eucalyptis in a slender vase that looks like a wine carafe, and on the right side of that is a tall, silver finished lamp with a bright satin white lamp shade. The table sits in front of a window that is treated with white wooden blinds and a plain white cotton tabbed curtain. The window sits on a smokey sort of charcoil blue wall, and it is framed with a bright white painted trim. For some reason, that table just looks so beautiful to me. Like it's a piece of art or something. I love it! I'm thankful that the Krogar floral department had that eucalyptis on sale for $2. Everything else on that table- we had already.

*On our kitchen table, in the center, there is a basket full of white napkins. Beside that basket, a large solid red cup, and in that cup, a bouquet of yellow and orange flowers. I am thankful that we have a big table to sit at when we eat dinner together as a family, and that today, that table looks so comfortable.

*After dinner this evening, Kyla began complaining. She continued to whine and complain when prompted to clean her mess from the table, saying that it wasn't fair that she had "chores" to do. (Cleaning her mess is a chore?) As a sort of reminder that she actually didn't have much to do, we told her she needed to clean up by herself. She walked away, sort of pouting, and started to look for the broom. Zoe followed Kyla and said "What's the matter, Kyla? Why are you sad?" Kyla responded with a grumpy "I have to clean the house", and Zoe said in a super cheery voice "Oh, OK, I - will - help - you- CLEAN -then!!!". I am so thankful that Zoe has a sweet love for her sister. It is actually often that Zoe is concerned for Kyla. Kyla refused Zoe's offer at first, because she thought she had to clean by herself, but we explained to Kyla that it was so sweet for her sister to want to help her, and that it would be perfectly fine. RIGHT after that, Kyla's demeanor changed. She was chipper, and thankful, and polite. I'm thankful that Kyla was able to see the importance of THANKS.

*The day was certainly long, and since I've been trying to get our house organized for the past few months, today was no exception. Actually, today was more of a "job" because I had to incorporate lots of cleaning to that organizing, since we'll be hosting our small group Bible Study this Sunday. All that to say- I was just ready for a break! I found a tanning salon close by that stayed open until 9:30pm, so I went for a 15 minute sunshine break, and it was awesome. I had my MP3 queued to some great worship music, and just soaked up some peace. I'm thankful for 15 minutes!

Third (and final!?)

Leah Moriah Anderson

Leah was a surprise surprise. The "plan" was to wait until Kyla was about 5 years old before we tried for baby number 3. but, God is the Ultimate Planner, and He chose to give us Leah 2 years after Zoe was born.

On February 3 2007 Joshua had a surprise birthday party to celebrate my 26th birthday. Our friend Brandie Tanner and he planned the event and blew me away. It was so much fun. This was likely the night that Leah was conceived....

We decided not to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl, and in the end it absolutely stressed me out not knowing. Kyla was convinced that we were going to have a baby brother, and that we were to name him Aiden. I, too, was convinced that we were having a boy. I thought that it would really bother me to have a girl after thinking for so long that it was a boy, BUT, when the doctor announced "It's a GIRL" there was this beautiful feeling of awe that washed over me. Leah came out weighing 6 lbs. 14 oz and she was 21" long. She was born at 8:01 AM via C-section on October 24.

The idea of the surgery made me nervous through out the pregnancy. Though I had already had 2 previous C-sections, I couldn't shake the nervousness. It turns out, I had a good reason to be nervous! The anastethiologist, though very nice, hadn't performed a spinal in 20 years....

I believe he was a Christian, and I know that the other anastethiologist was a Christian as well. (the other guy was the experienced, resident that worked there for years) I had lots of prayer in that Operating Room, including my own fervent prayers. First of all, I'll call him Dr. New York. Dr. New York came into the room bright and chipper. He had a warm, welcoming personality. Into the O.R. I was to lay on my side and wait for the "pinch". Well, that pinch came atleast 3 or 4 times, and anyone that has ever had a spinal knows that the pinch actually feels more like a log being stuck into your spine!

Dr. New York apologized time and time again, and finally, after I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, I "thought" he had finally got it to work. I asked fearfully "Did you get it?" and to my surprise he said "No, hon, not yet, I'm so sorry". And I drunkenly said "Oh, that must be God then, because I feel so relaxed". And the nurse holding my hand agreed. Finally, my spinal was finished and it was time for surgery.

Throughout the surgery, which took only a few short minutes, I felt so scared, and a good bit of painful tension. I kept telling Joshua "I feel something, I can feel something." Joshua had to leave the room after Leah was born, and he said he almost passed out walking back to my labor room.

Once Leah was out, the pain started coming fast. I was crying on the operating room table, telling the doctors that I felt so much pain. After they deliver a baby c-section, they give the mom pitosin to cause the uterus to contract. I felt those contractions. And continued to feel them though I was given plenty of pain medicine in the O.R. I was also given Morphine once in recovery and it was almost no help. I had so many drugs in my body to try to ease the pain, and nothing helped. FINALLY, the nurse gave me a shot of something.... I can't remember what it was, but it eased the pain to just bearable.

The hospital stay was nice, but I do have to say that I would never recommend having a baby in a hospital that is undergoing renovations. As soon as I was out of the O.R. and into my Labor/Delivery/Recovery Room, I heard loud drilling. And so did Leah. Poor baby was fresh out of the oven and exposed to the cold of the hospital and weird LOUD noises.

Leah's first name is a good story, and her second name has an even better meaning to it. I'll write more later.