I feel the hate....

I've never cared much about popularity, or the lack there of, where I am socially concerend. Part of me use to feel a slight need to "people please", but only a very slight need and only for very few people. I have, most definitely, caused my share of uncomfortable moments among those in my authority, in my family, with in my group of friends, and among my peers over the course of my long 28 years here on Earth. A friend of mine likes to explain it to me this way; "I like the fact that I never have to wonder what you're thinking, I pretty much always know where I stand with you, Amber."

But- really truly, I do realize that there are times that I don't need to say what I'm thinking, or share my opinion. I have matured into a somewhat reasonable person, and I am actually learning to bite my tongue, which is pretty amazing in and of itself. Me? Bite my tongue?! Oh Ya! Score!!!! Acomplishment. Whoo Hoo.

But!!!! Read back to the second sentence of that last paragraph. Learning. .... ing. It's still in process.

And then there are times that biting my tongue is ALL I want to do. (oh! to have a happy medium. it would be lovely) Sometimes God ask me to speak up, and speak loud, and hold nothing back, and this is when I cringe. That is when I want nothing more than to be allowed to stay quiet, hide out in the back, and sort of blend in with the rest of the world. Because when God is the one asking me to speak up and I follow through with it, a whole lot of hell breaks loose. OH! I just said h-e-l-l. I'm not phrasing it as a slang term.

God uses me to speak up and say what needs to be said, because He knows I'm bold and flippant about losing some popularity contest. I mean- for goodness sakes! God is the one that made me this way! He just has to sort of work hard to keep me from getting all CRAZY with the running of my mouth, but He's got it. It's like the song says "He's still workin' on me.... to make me what I ought to be.." Ya. God is soooo totally still working on me!

I feel encouraged to have listened to a brief message that this guy named Francis Chan posted on Youtube. It's referencing Luke 6:22-26. (below is the passage copied from The Message)

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Count yourself blessed every time someone cuts you down or throws you out, every time someone smears or blackens your name to discredit me. What it means is that the truth is too close for comfort and that that person is uncomfortable. You can be glad when that happens—skip like a lamb, if you like!—for even though they don't like it, I do . . . and all heaven applauds. And know that you are in good company; my preachers and witnesses have always been treated like this.

But it's trouble ahead if you think you have it made. What you have is all you'll ever get.
And it's trouble ahead if you're satisfied with yourself. Your self will not satisfy you for long.
And it's trouble ahead if you think life's all fun and games. There's suffering to be met, and you're going to meet it.

"There's trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular.

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Good stuff!!! I am totally feeling the hate right now, too, so this message is right on time for me!
I am so aware that God is the coolest, bestest, most PERFECT part of me and my life, and He is so worth it. Bring on the hate. I ain't skeered!